Today was my second day at my new job. Starting to get some confidence. Starting to not feel like a complete moron. I just have to keep comparing it to my last job. If I can handle 15 screaming kids on my own, I can tackle anything. I need more self assurance. Then I wouldn't get so rattled when I know a customer is impatient or second guess myself when my manager is standing over me. I just worry so much about making a mistake that I ask a lot of questions and it makes me look incompetent. I know I should just be pleased that I have a job. Thankful that I work in a place that I actually enjoy . . . if I didn't have to start in the middle of their crunch period. I guess I just have to wait it out. I'm just hoping I'll still have a job when the wait is through.
I can name two positives from my job: 1) I am meeting new people 2) I am getting out the house so now I'm not as stir crazy as I use to be. I just thought of a third, I actually have something to talk about.
On the other hand, I am failing back into my old bad habits. I don't know what it's so hard for me to let my personality show from the beginning. My manager called me timid today and the worse part is I know it's true. Ironic how just a few weeks ago, when I entered the building with my best friend as a customer, I shushed for being too boisterous. I am a very loud, passionate, funny, sassy, intelligent, strong person . . . when I get comfortable around you. Until then I am quiet, timid, unsure of myself. Plus, it can take a ridiculously long time for me to get comfortable around someone. I have to say the more willing a person is to get to know me, the easier it is for to become comfortable with them. I guess the problem is that I automatically assume the other person couldn't be interested in anything I have to say. Or it could be the fear that when I do let them glimpse the real me, they won't understand. Both of which have been proven before. Sigh