The beginning

Or the rebeginning . . .

I am scared. I will be restarting my college career on monday. While most of my friends have already graduated or beginning graduate school, I am only in my sophomore year . . . still.

I started off like most people. The fall after I graduating highschool, I started at West GA. After 3 semesters, I still had a 3.4 GPA. I even enjoyed school for the most part. School was never the problem, it was my life outside of school that was living hell. My dad had cancer. He was in and out treatments, surgery, hospitals. He almost die several times. After two grueling years battling cancer, he did die. I happened only 15 days before my 20th birthday.

For a while, I stopped living. Life without dad didn't seem possible. It still doesn't seem possible. Sometimes I realize how much time has past and it shocks me. Finally, God dragged me out of my deep dark hole. Still, I wasn't ready to go back to school. I had this . . . HAVE this irrational fear that going back to school is going to cost me someone I love dearly. The only thing that got me over this fear was spending year and a half at the job from hell and knowing the only way out was to return to school.

Now, I have quit my job from hell. I have moved to a new city, away from most of the people I love. I have nothing to distract me from my irrational fear and all I know is it's too late to turn back.

I need to reconnect with God to get some faith back into and some perfect love to cast out fear. The problem with me is what I know I need to do and what I actually end up doing are usually two totally different things.